Alrighty. I firmly believe that not all republicans are racist. I am ready to totally admit that some republicans may not be sick, bigoted, ass-backwards medieval jerkwads. Furthermore, I'm completely open to the possibility that there are republicans out there who don't have even a mild disdain for literature.
Now, many of you might disagree with me, and I have to admit that if your representative sample comes from a Sarah Palin rally, well, it'd be hard to blame you.
I suspect that, across the country, people of character, faith, and basic decency are scratching their heads and saying to themselves, "I'm in the same party as these shitheads? I mean, I thought voting twice for Bush was stupid, but I don't remember Bush actually hosting klan rallies. If these two are the party mavericks, what the FUCK are the non-mavericks like?"
I mean, is Sasha Cohen doing a sequel to Borat that I'm not aware of? Is Sarah Palin actually a 4th character of his? (and how much therapy would that require for Pat Buchanan...)
Anyway, I hope that we give the majority of republicans the benefit of the doubt, and assume that skinhead "hussein" von sherrifmeister does NOT represent the majority of republicans, or that the "he's a terrorist" and "kill him" guys at least make most republicans a little uncomfortable (you know, like those guys in the bar who didn't join in on "In My Country There is Problem" until the last chorus)
But if we're to be this charitable to republicans, I want them to give us the same consideration, and acknowledge that we're all not flower-waving, yoga-loving latte fiends.
Of course, I'm not talking about me. I'm a proud liberal cliché. I love latté. Even more than latté, I love talking about latté, and showing off how I know that latté is Italian for milk, and how in europe they don't really drink latté after breakfast (I like knowing how to make an accent aigue on my Mac). I like telling people about the fine differences between cappuccino and cafe au lait. I like ordering a "doppio", not because I like strong coffee, I just like saying "doppio"
I don't do yoga, not because it's painful for me to do (it is) but because it's painful for others to watch, and I care about not polluting the landscape.
So my thoughts on McCain? I say "Hug him!". Just who is he? "He's a human being". He deserves love, dammit, LOVE!. I say we should take John Sidney McCain (btw, I LOVE his middle name. It makes me think of Australia, and Koalas) and smother him with flowers and candy (oh! and to conserve flowers, we could use the same ones they forgot to greet us with for liberating Iraq - they're probably in a hydroponic warehouse somewhere, right?). And if there's a risk of the flowers being toxic to local fauna, well, we can just sit him down, with Sarah Palin, on a clean tatami mat, put on some selected episodes of afropop worldwide, and have a long, soothing shiatsu session.
Now I know, the mainstream press will take issue with that, and say I'm the kind of whacko you can expect to show up when your candidate keeps talking about hope and making all these radical claims that we're one nation and stuff, but I say, HUG THEM TOO! MWAH! If anyone ever needed a big wet one, it's the media. Their job is hard.